thoughts at 35 weeks

i can't believe how little i've documented this pregnancy. i guess that's just how it goes.

tomorrow i'll be 35 weeks. that's exciting and scary all at the same time. my twin sister just had her baby girl a week ago tomorrow. seeing her adorable little alexa jean made me so excited to meet my little baby girl. and then it made me realize how i am so not ready for her to come yet. i have too much to get ready still and i really don't know how to start all over again with a tiny newborn. but, obviously, sooner than later she'll be here and whether i'm ready or not it'll be time to spring into action. here are my random thoughts, feelings, and doings at 35 weeks:

• we're struggling with names. i just haven't had a name that really gets to me. we have a very short list of ideas. it's possible we've found it, but who knows if we'll cycle through several more before we find the one. i'm starting to think we may just need to meet her before her name is determined.
• if i didn't know i had 5 weeks to go i'd guess this baby could come any day. it's just how i'm feeling. whenever she moves i can feel her in every corner of my insides all at the same time. i can't figure out where else she'll grow in the next 5 weeks.
• if i had to guess, i'd say she's a big baby, but really, who knows. doctors haven't said anything about measuring big or anything. maybe it's just because owen hardly moved my entire pregnancy and this little girl is a mover! that may be why i feel like that.
• i'm still exercising 4-5 times a week. i'm down to spin and the elliptical. it is getting harder, but i'm so glad i've stuck with it. exercise has made the world of a difference in this pregnancy. hopefully it'll make a big difference in post delivery too.
• speaking of delivery--i'm nervous!
• and speaking of the gym--i'm feeling a little self conscious there lately as people kind of stare at me as i walk past. i don't blame them, it just makes me a little self conscious.
• i'm getting very excited to watch owen with baby sister. owen loves babies, wherever we go. when we were around a little baby today he had to be right by her to help feed her her bottle and rock her in her car seat. i do expect some jealousy and rough patches with owen, but overall i think (i hope) he'll love her.
• exercise has been so good for me, but with only 5 weeks to go i do feel like i'm hitting a little bit of a wall. i'm tired and it feels like it takes me forever to do anything. my back really hurts by night time. my feet are very swollen and i'm feeling swollen pretty much all over (you know it's bad when even your nose looks swollen). it's so hard to roll over in bed or to bend over and tie shoes.
• i recently booked a trip for me and baby girl 3 weeks after my due date, so i'm really hoping she comes on time (or early!) and all goes well with recovery--yikes! i am going, no matter what, so i'm praying for the best.
• ryan is the very best and gives my feet (and often back) a rub every night! it's a lifesaver every time!
• i'm feeling nervous about starting all over--how in the world am i going to get up for feeding in the middle of the night? i'm nervous about nursing. i can't even remember how much and how often babies are supposed to eat. will i really know what she needs and how to provide those things for her?
• with that said, i'm also feeling much more laid back this time around in regards to a schedule, etc. i was paranoid about getting owen on a routine and doing everything perfectly by the book that i hardly enjoyed holding and snuggling him as a newborn. i'm feeling excited to just relax a little more and not feel so uptight about those kinds of things--i now realize all that will work out.
• i think i must look 35 weeks (in other words, i look how i feel) because i've had several comments lately about how huge i am, how i don't look so great, etc. sweet!
• i'm feeling so thankful for good family and friends. especially right before christmas i had several people take owen for me on different occasions so i could do whatever i needed. mostly i ran errands. it's tiring and hard dragging a toddler in and out of stores being so pregnant. truly, i felt so thankful.
• does anyone else get to the end of pregnancy and just want the baby out to make sure he/she is safe? i'm feeling that lately--in some ways i just want her to come so that i know nothing else that could potentially go wrong inside the womb has a chance to go wrong. maybe i'm just being paranoid...?
• i can't wait to see ryan with this little girl. he and owen have so much fun together. owen adores his dad. i kind of think a little girl will just melt ryan. when i recently showed him the first picture i received of my new niece he literally stopped what he was doing and just "ooohhhed" and "ahhhhhed" at her. i won't tell our little girl, but i think she'll soon realize that she could easily have her dad wrapped around her little finger.

anyway, those are my random thoughts. i wanted them recorded. i'm excited to meet this little girl. only 5 more weeks to go. gosh, that seems hard to believe!